De-programming in Style

Days in darkness again
curled up in the foetal
to know not to know
to know i do not know
to know the beauty of probability
numbers are wonders
the hundreds in solvability
the open roads i see diverge
breathtaking views beyond
a free world unknown to many
i sleep in the day to hide from the misery
the pain of helpless chains
digging into the skin in vain
uncalm waters
unpleasant souls
i see her wishing for happiness
then shutdown the doors to it
the fear and the pain
thoughts tire me out
i close my eyes
and draw up the list
the ones i set free
they shine even in slumber
one last soul to save
i have to let go
for i have a failure
i cry and scream
for in my chains
have hurt the ones who
took me up by their side
the abundance of failure this
is in the wrangling wrists of the watchers
as long as their bloodshot eyes
are prying kept upon this one soul
the deep recesses are in clear view, of the ghoul
i shut my eyes and see me in deep waters
bio luminescence and light specks critters
i push up and out straight into the wide skies
amongst the birds and my skypeople
we look down as we whoosh away
at the gleaming colors of our beautiful home
she won't die
she will change
she will spew us all out
i shudder with her in her anger
i hurt when she hurts
the killing has begun
i can only weep with her for a moment
for i am a human
she is not
i get moments
and she can't rot
 

Singing Hearts

He sings bass when I do the Alto
He sings Tenor when I sing the Bass!
I look up to him
the glowing smile enlightens me
Anger comes to him easily
But when he simmers down
is the warm comfortable blanket

I dream he is here
With me oh, so dear!
The songs we write
Our hearts sing wild
When joys spread around
giving Happiness in sound

It hurts when...

Hmmmm....
Racism...or a blind-folded knife throw???

It took me a long time to ponder over a certain time in the past two-three months, where a finite set of people were throwing Racism jabs at me(all indirect and subtle). I kept wondering where it must've started, why it led to people provoking the topic of racism, and why it finally led me to lose my cool and throw the worst kind of Racial statement at one provocateur, in public, least bothering about what the crowd thinks about me in the aftermath, but having that brief moment of yes-that-hit-real-hard-look on his face. But the whole issue has really hurt me. I don't believe in biases. I don't categorise, period. I won't even if genetics says there are differences.

So from my point of view, it all started when I was misinterpreted by a dear friend, lead on to her sharing her rage with her close buddy, who in turn made sure he keeps hitting me real hard(totally presumptious), which in turn made me hit him in response. ...and that still hurts... not that it really might be worrying them... but it still hurts...

So how do I cool myself down...hm?

The Laughterical

The mysterious ways of the human kind provide so much entertainment and amusement to itself, that till the last of us exhales his/her last breath, humor shall survive. That brings me to this particular duo, siblings, brother-sister, whichever way you'd like to interprete their existence on Earth.

With a gap of two years, that seemed so non-existent, as kids we were teased of being identical twins. ...and so it seems, we carry with us a lot of similarities, behaviour, attitudes, open minds, the slouch, the talk, a tinge of hypocrisy, acknowledging imperfection, the cycling, the philosophical debates, ...oh yes!!...and the laugh!!

The brain freaks(psychologists et al) say each human has his own laugh, like laughter defines the being. We siblings, giggled a lot as toddlers. Time grew us up too fast, and it seemed to me, it took away my signature laugh with him. Time is 'him' because I find 'him' a little masochistic, and I can't deal with him! Anyway, took me a few years to actually realise, that I hadn't laughed out loud for probably half a decade. Felt so stupid and totally blank(and totally conscious and embarrassed), for so long, that I didn't remember, had I even smiled at anything funny or a feel-good moment? ...maybe I did, maybe I didn't...I'd laugh inside, on my own. How doesn't matter then! It's so much easier. But laughing out loud?..in society?...now THAT, is a big problem...more so, when you become so aware of it!

But now that I had totally lost SL(signature laugh), every moment kept me perplexed and nervous, and I felt like I was the entire catalogue of Types of laughter sung by Mary Poppins!!! Remember the song?

Usually I come up with a combo or a triad of different laughs. The soundless body shaking, the hissing snake, a loud single jerk of a laugh, the mime, the hmm-hmmm-hmm-hmm, the plain giggly-wiggly,the changing pitch-lowest bass to girly high-pitch, the thigh tapping, the hehehe-clap, the donkey laugh,a laugh-laugh-single-snort, the hyena... Now, for the sibling trademark!!! - the nose-holding-gigglingshoulder-shrugging laugh... We've got such big noses, that any excessive laughing scares us into grabbing the nose, lest it falls off!!!!

ah, the big family secret's out! D'jay, don't bump me off!
Hehehehe-shoulder shrug-nose grab.

Trust once lost is lost forever...

She was a happy child, loved prancing around, made the silliest of goofy situations possible, loved to see people laugh and was the happiest when she could make 'em laugh.
The day came like a darkstorm, when every ounce of happiness came crashing down, no sign of trust and belonging visible. She lost faith in her own life.

That day she knew life as it was would never be the same again.
...wait a minute haven't we heard these same words repeated over and over again in tales and yores for the past few centuries in all of our human languages!!!

Gosh!!!We're surely going around in circles and whirlpools and eddies of Time, aren't we?
Will we ever learn, from the past, ever???
She had read those words too....But never thought they would be out of her own experience, her current state of mind. But will she be one of the Survivors and Warriors; or will she give in to the pressure of Sadism and Vile people????Does she have the strength to face the Storms that will try to strike again once they know the loopholes in her life?

Right now. She's giving up. She certainly is. Because the body is giving up. She can't stand the pain inside. The breaking and crumpling is terrifyingly painful. She held out for a long time now. Almost a decade...

But she couldn't dare include the one person into either her past or her fears. She didn't want the one man she didn't mind calling her cuddly wuddly Bear, to be included into the kind of men, who were bothering her.
...and she was only speculating what was happening behind her back. She knew it was vicious and she'd have to leave the place she loved soon. It is still unimaginable how people could come up with such vile and cruel acts. She couldn't see the reasons for the necessity and desperation they had.


....to be continued...

अन्नदाते आपले जपूया रे...

आम्ही गेलो होतो बघायला 'टीनग्या'.
थेअटरच्या बाहेर आल्यावर जरा 'mixed emotions' होते.
Suicides च्या बातम्या वाचल्यावर जीव नको नकोसेच व्हायचे. पण शेत्कर्यांचे जीवन कसे आहे हे बघायला सीनेमा बघू नए. प्रात्येकिष्क गावांमध्ये जाऊन घ्यावी.
'टीनग्या'ची कहाणी फारच हळू होती.
इतके हळूू आपण जगत नाही. लहान मूलं आपली emotions स्व्भावीक्पणे देतात. त्यांना ताणलं तर ते जरा artificial वाटायला लागतं.
मूळ उद्देश पुढे जरुर मांडू शकले director, पण कँमेराचा फोकस कुठे उडून गेला काय माहीती.
बर प्रत्येक पात्राच्या वेदना अत्यंत ताण्ल्या सारख्या वाट्ल्या.
असो, एकूण अर्थ कळाय्चा तो समजून घेणार्यान्नी समजून घेतला.
आपण्हून समजून घ्यावे आणी सीनेमा हॉल मधून नीघावे।
नवीन अभीनेते व दीगदर्शक असल्याचे ज़रा फारच जाणवते। Criticism च्या पलीकडे बघीतले तर याहून खूप मद्तीची गरज आहे शेत्क्र्यान्ना, हे लोकांनी जाणले तर बरे होय। हातावर हात ठेउन काही होत नाही.आपण सर्वांनी काही केले पाहिजे हेच खरे ...

'अन्नदाते आपले जपूया रे...'

पीक वाढवीतो, जाणून घे रे
अन्नदाता हाच तो रे
भारताचा मान हाच रे
भुकेने कासावीस त्याचीच पोरे

शेती हडपून ईमारती उभार्तोस कसा रे
स्वताहाच्याच मुलांना उद्याला तू
उपाशी सोडतोय्स रे
जमीन नाहीतर शेती कशी तू
सांग सम्जाउन आम्हाला रे

पीक वाढवीतो, जाणून घे रे
अन्नदाता हाच तो रे
भारताचा मान हाच रे
भुकेने कासावीस त्याचीच पोरे

पैश्याचा हव्यासी तूच तो रे
पृथ्वी बांधून नेऊ शक्शील का रे
नेशील तरी जाशील तू कुठे
येतील तुझी पापे तुझ्याच पाठोपाठी

पीक वाढवीतो, जाणून घे रे
अन्नदाता हाच तो रे
भारताचा मान हाच रे
भारताचा मान हाच रे


गुरमीत वीचार्शील कोण मी
एका अन्नदात्याचीच नात मी!

जुई

Protesting in Song

You have no integrity
you step on other's land
and call it your own

Your hungry for more
your greed just never ends
it'll end with your life
don't you realise
your hurting your child
do you think he will
live peacefully
on all your crimes

you have no integrity
you step on other's land
and call it your own

The greed just stinks in your sty
your pigs they won't lie
even if you do
your the one with no integrity
Greedy pigs they stink
you have no integrity

leave them be
those who live and let live
for how long will it be
that you keep cheating the honest men

you have no integrity
you step on other's land
and call it your own

©Copyright Juilie Thakur April 13, 2008